If there is one thing I've learned in my short marriage, it's that sticking together and just being there for each other is the most important thing. No matter what, when things go bad, go so wrong you just can't believe it, you have to stick together. That's what Bj and I have been doing this last week. Before I tell you what a roller coaster it has been I want to say thank you so much for all your comments. We've read them all and it just means so much to us, they give us such strength, THANK YOU!
So right after I wrote that last post we packed up and headed to California where his father and grandpa lived. Bj has an awesome step dad, Jim, that you may have seen in wedding pictures, but Bill was his actual father. He wasn't able to come to the wedding. We didn't know at the time that he was very sick. He told us that he had to go to the hospital for some tests on March 26th, and because we weren't down there we didn't know that wasn't actually the case. Bj and his father loved each other so much, but it was sometimes hard for Bj to get a clear channel of communication to his father. What we are piecing together now is that his father had been sick for a few months. We're not sure exactly why he died, but we are sure that it ended a lot of pain (here is his obituary). Bj's father was cremated and on Friday we drove him in his Corvette down to San Diego Bay to scatter his ashes in the ocean.
It was such a moment for us. Looking at each other, crying, holding each other, just not believing it was happening. The whole week was just emotional, but hearing Bj say to his dad, "Goodbye, I'll always love you" as he dropped the ashes just made a wreck out of me. Then he took back over the boat and put his hand on my leg.
I looked down and it was just okay. It still sucked, it still hurt, but I knew it was going to be okay.
In addition to everything we had to deal with in terms of his father's death, we also had a feisty 87 year old on our hands. Bj's grandpa:
Who I believe to be the cutest, funniest old person ever. He had been driving his son to the doctors, going to the commissary (he is a veteran and military retiree) to get food and supplies, and basically taking care of himself since Bj's father got sick. We knew right away that we could not leave him in a house all by himself. He has a bad butt ("oh my stupid butt, I need a new butt.") I think it's a tail bone thing, as he is so skinny he doesn't actually have a butt... And he walks with a cane, and obviously should not be driving. So we had to let grandpa know that we were there for him, he could trust us, and yes, he should come up to rainy, wet, and cold Oregon to live. Eventually he gave in, telling us that he had outlived everyone else, he showed me an old ledger and almost every entry was crossed out. We had to move fast, Bj's work has been great about giving him time off, but we need to get back to our lives. So we started packing him up, taking everything out of the house we wanted to keep. We bought grandpa some new clothes, which was hilarious. I picked out large pants and he said no, "I want more of the white part of my sock to show." That's right, high waters baby. Still I think he's the best dressed older guy around in this Puma track suit. When he was changing into it he asked Bj if I was Irish. No he said, "well then why did she pick out this lousy color green?" Ha! Wait until he sees our basement floor. We took him to say goodbye to his wife:
Her name was June, and he loves talking about how he spoiled her. We found a retirement place less than a mile from our house where we can go everyday to check on him, and bring him meals, and make sure he's stocked up on chocolate. He doesn't like to go out much, he got us rolling with laughter yesterday telling us that he doesn't want to be hit on (in his age bracket there are a lot of single women). He was mumbling a little because my brother (who came down to drive up a moving truck) accidentally took his denture glue stuff and his teeth were sliding around in his mouth. He said something I couldn't make out, then spit his teeth into his hand and repeated, "They're warm for my form." Oh my freaking goodness it was a laugh we desperately needed. 
After a very long day our 87 year old child is tucked into bed. We are moving his stuff to a bigger room tomorrow. It's going to be crazy, different, and hard sometimes I'm sure. But I am so thankful Bj gets to have this opportunity to bond with his grandpa, who adores him. He likes me too, tells me how small I am all the time, and that I'm a "character." He said he was glad Bj married me, and I said I was too.